I've been wanting a drink! Two things are the cause of this, going back to work after two weeks away and seeing drinking in the media.
Going back to work has been a delight, everyone I work with is so nice and fun to talk to. But there was this horrible mental vortex in the time between pure relaxation and physically getting to my workplace. I could have never left my house again the magnetic pull was so strong for me to stay put at home where I'm safe and out of harm surrounded by those who love me. It was nearly crippling social anxiety. And I felt proud of myself for living it, going to work, and coming home again. I felt like a wine would have been well deserved at the end of the day. But I didn't 'need' a wine, in fact the stress was over and I needed my brain to relax again and it would happen by itself without the immediate relaxation a wine delivers. It has GOT to be healthier learning how to de-stress without substance use. And the next day when I had to go in, I managed just fine without the social anxiety taking me over. Going out into the world to risk social embarrassment, and then having a successful day, is the medicine I need. We'll see what happens when going out goes bad, because it's bound to happen sometime...
As for continuously seeing people drinking in the media, it really is constant. It makes me think drinking is normal, and why do I have to be the one who doesn't get to take part? The reality of drinking is that it gets a bit boring and it makes my brain dull. I feel like I want to do things again (when I'm not being flattened by social anxiety.) I also feel like I'm saving a bunch of money, and we can use that money to do actually fun things. I must keep reminding myself, drinking is not all fun.