Day 38


I better update this while I can still use my arms. I went to an exercise class, the same one that was way too hard before, and same results. It was the type of exercise my incredibly fit partner does. Skipping rope for a minute, then doing core exercises or arm exercises, then skipping rope for another minute. There was a big focus on squats too. Killer!

I slept terribly last night. I was tired but couldn't turn off my brain. My usual techniques to get back to sleep worked until the point when I stopped doing them, then my mind would wander down dark places full of memories of times I have made social blunders. Then I would suddenly realise and wake myself out of it and start my techniques again. I don't know what I should do, you can't control every thought you have. But I would love to put an end to rumination forever. I have been feeling completely taken over by anxiety lately. I feel like it's natural in that as you age you understand more about the world and how bad it can be. I have also been really into watching true crime shows over the last week. It literally just occurred to me that that is possibly what is causing the lingering anxiety that I can't shake. Ha ha- I always think it is some big problem with my core self, and then I realise I just need to eat, get outside, stop watching scary shows.

Well, now I have a plan going forward. No more true crime. I know I'll sleep well tonight because of exercise, tomorrow will be the real test of whether not watching true crime makes me feel less anxious.

Why does everything that's fun become bad for you?